This is How I Find Her

August 12, 2013
Polsky’s first novel examines the damaging fallout of a mother’s struggle with mental illness. Sophie Canon’s mother has bipolar disorder, and for the past five years Sophie has been responsible for maintaining their emotional and physical health, as well as financial stability. After Sophie’s mother attempts suicide, the high school junior temporarily moves in with her rather reserved aunt, uncle, and cousin, Leila, who was once Sophie’s best friend. Polsky seamlessly intertwines Sophie’s memories—of the high and low points of life with her mother, close friendships that went awry, and her mother’s moments of artistic inspiration—with her current situation, for which Sophie entirely blames herself (“I should have known she wasn’t taking her medication.... I should have found that other bottle of pills before she had the chance to use it”). The author immerses readers in Sophie’s life as she faces the difficult question of whether to allow her mother (or anyone) back into her life. A believable story that explores the weight of guilt and the pressures people place on themselves. Ages 13–up. Agent: Suzie Townsend, New Leaf Literary + Media.

September 1, 2013

Gr 9 Up-Sixteen-year-old Sophie is artistic, smart, and easygoing-a perfect daughter in an imperfect home. When she comes home from school to find her mother unconscious and sprawled out in their shared bedroom, a near-empty bottle of pills spilled nearby, Sophie's well-orchestrated world tips as she calls 911 and her difficult road to admission, acceptance, and looking for help begins. Sophie has been caring for Amy, who battles bipolar disorder, since she was 11. Nobody, not even Amy's sister, Aunt Cynthia, speaks about Amy's illness. Now as Amy recovers in the hospital, Sophie temporarily moves in with her aunt, uncle, and teenage cousin. She is shaken from the guilt of being unable to make Amy take her prescribed medication and the shame of what happens when she doesn't. Sophie is also devastated by her mother's actions. She wants to know "how my mother could do this knowing I would be the one to find her...or whether she thought of me at all." Sophie returns to school feigning an interest in friends and projects while constantly unsettled with worry, and readers see her struggle to adapt, adjust, and cope with her conflicted feelings, including, "the part of my life that's been better since my mother left." Sophie's voice is unflinchingly honest and convincing. Amy is the catalyst but the story is all Sophie's. She is astute and courageous, daring to effect a satisfying and compassionate resolution. A difficult topic made approachable by well-crafted writing.-Alison Follos, formerly at North Country School, Lake Placid, NY

Copyright 2013 School Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

July 1, 2013
A teenage girl attempts to separate her life from that of her bipolar mother in this introspective debut. "On the fourth day of junior year, sometime between the second bell...and the time I got home from school, my mother tried to kill herself." Sophie is left adrift after her mother is rushed to the hospital for treatment to medically regulate the bipolar disorder that caused her suicide attempt. Sophie's constant attention to her single mother's moods and medication has meant sacrificing friends and a social life, and now she feels completely alone. She withdraws even further when she is forced to live with her estranged aunt, uncle and cousin. But soon she begins making tenuous connections at school and with her new family, and she finds she is secretly relieved not to be just her mother's caregiver. She enjoys having the freedom to help out at her uncle's architectural firm after school or go on a random drive with her new friend, Natalie. But will she be able to ask for the help she needs when her mother finally comes home? Or will her feelings of guilt and shame keep her from reaching out? This quiet novel provides honest insight about the conflicting emotions felt by families struggling with bipolar disorder. Sophie's inner journey from resignation to hopefulness is authentically portrayed and will provide great comfort to any teen contending with a parent's affliction. Perceptive and sincere. (Fiction. 12 & up)

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January 1, 2014
This is a nuanced, sensitive study of high-school junior Sophie, who manages the care of her bipolar mother--until her mother attempts suicide and Sophie's measured life unravels. Sophie struggles with conflicting emotions (guilt, love, anger, resentment, fear) as she haltingly rekindles relationships with estranged family and attempts to determine--independently of her mother--who she is, and who she wants to be.

(Copyright 2014 by The Horn Book, Incorporated, Boston. All rights reserved.)