To Raise a Boy

Starred review from December 21, 2020
“How will we raise our boys to be different?” asks journalist Brown in her deeply insightful take on how to give boys “what they need to build healthy relationships with themselves, with other boys and men, and with girls and women.” In surveying how American boys are raised, Brown addresses sexual violence against them, which is often dismissed as bullying or hazing, and highlights the damage done by selling boys short as “violent, dirty, impolite, unfeeling, disengaged,” while at the same time failing to afford them space to fail or seek help. Brown suggests that giving boys “space for conversations about masculinity, sex, consent, and porn” will help them deal properly with peer pressure, and calls on parents and teachers to offer nuanced guidance on consent, as “boys must hear the clear message that girls can like sex, too, and that a person—a girl or a boy—should be believed the first time they say no.” The best path forward, Brown writes, is offering boys a broadened and positive model of masculinity: “One way parents can give their kids a willingness to buck gender norms is by bucking those norms themselves.” Readers will leave this book inspired by Brown’s vision. Agent: Bridget Matzie, Aevitas Creative Management.

Starred review from March 1, 2021

Inspired by #MeToo, her work with Christine Blasey Ford, and her own infant son, journalist Brown investigates sexual violence and its connection to the myriad ways that boys are boxed into a damaging set of expectations, assumptions, and stereotypes regarding masculinity and behavior. In this outstanding work, she uncovers the profound harm caused by sexual violence against boys and men, and its invisibility relative to the plight of women. While Brown's research centers on schools, where social skills are forged and sex education efforts have dwindled, she also considers home and community life and touches on childhood trauma, race, implicit bias, and LGBTQ+ issues. Constrained by restrictive gender norms and by the need for peer approval, boys often engage in homophobic teasing toward other boys and sexually aggressive behavior toward girls. In response, adults often say, "Boys will be boys"; but in the best cases, some proactively create environments and opportunities for boys to consider the impact of their behavior and open up to trusted people. VERDICT Brown's reporting on a variety of such initiatives tempers the gut-punch of stories documenting the ubiquity and ugliness of sexual harassment and the harm of sexual violence to people of all genders. A groundbreaking exploration with clear recommendations on how to better raise and support boys.--Janet Ingraham Dwyer, State Lib. of Ohio, Columbus

Copyright 2021 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from February 1, 2021
In this empathetic account, Washington Post reporter Brown exposes the pressures society exerts on boys. She laces her commentary with stories from numerous interviews she conducted with children, teens, and adults in cities across the country. She describes the bewilderment many of her subjects expressed about getting through the day, let alone dealing with intimate experiences, especially regarding consent (both giving it and getting it from others), and writes with horror about the physical and sexual abuse reported so often during her interviews. Brown also shares accounts of how racial prejudice and poverty compound issues of identity and expectations. Her interviewees' shared experiences lead Brown to condemn childrearing and educational practices steeped in traditional concepts of masculinity, and to stress the need for early, factual sex education both at home and in school. Boys want to show and talk about their emotions, she finds, especially in their late teens. She salutes successful initiatives that help mitigate toxic environments, especially sports programs that educate boys about choices and consequences, respect, and self-image. Brown is the mother of a young son and wrote this book with his future in mind. This authoritative and accessible consideration offers insights, solutions, and hope.

COPYRIGHT(2021) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Starred review from December 15, 2020
An eye-opening exploration of modern boyhood and how parents can raise their sons to be better men. The phrase "boys will be boys" is often used to dismiss violent and/or abusive behavior in boys and men. In this insightful, sometimes disturbing book, Washington Post investigative reporter Brown effectively demonstrates how such behavior can be avoided, a process that starts right after birth. Every interaction, relationship, discussion--even choice of toy--can affect the way boys view themselves, each other, and the girls and women around them. After hundreds of interviews with public health officials, parents, teachers, and boys across the country, the author was forced to "reexamine" her thoughts about boyhood. "We have failed boys," she writes, "and our failure amounts to a public health crisis: they face staggering levels of physical and sexual violence, suicide rates that keep climbing, tight constraints on who and how they can be, and so much shame and fear....We simply have not given boys what they need to build relationships with themselves, with other boys and men, and with girls and women." The author ranges widely, discussing the effect all-boys schools have on how boys perceive their peers and the opposite sex; the difficulty in understanding sexual boundaries and consent; the benefits of male friendships; and the efficacy of outreach programs that open venues for discussion with boys. In graphic detail, Brown explains the types of physical and sexual abuse that boys suffer at the hands of peers, older men, and even women, which may be a surprise to some readers. The author's research findings and excerpts from interviews clearly convey the message that boys need better education about relationships, dating, sex, consent, pornography, and other relevant matters. Change is possible, notes Brown, and her informative book is a vital addition to the conversation. A groundbreaking sociological investigation.

COPYRIGHT(2020) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.