Secrets of Sex and Marriage

January 9, 2023
In this accessible outing, social researcher Feldhahn (For Women Only) and pastor and sex therapist Sytsma offer sex advice for married couples. In 2020, the authors kicked off the Marriage Intimacy Project, a study that collected data from 5,300 participants with the goal of finding the most significant factors for maintaining intimacy in marriage. The results showed the benefits of having a “transformative understanding” of one’s spouse, or being able to use misunderstandings as a way to learn about a relationship. The authors tackle desire, explaining that what might feel like sexual rejection (“Why doesn’t my spouse want me?”) can come down to differences in desire types, and they recommend embracing these differences and brainstorming solutions, like scheduling sex if necessary. Elsewhere, they debunk ideas of a prescribed sexual “standard” in marriage—each couple’s “normal” is unique, and it’s important to keep lines of communication open and work as a team to improve intimacy. Though the insights aren’t groundbreaking, readers will appreciate the authors’ conversational tone and easy-to-implement advice. Couples looking to strengthen their intimacy will find this a good place to start.