If Only I Had Told Her

February 1, 2024
In this companion novel to 2013's If He Had Been With Me, three characters tell their sides of the story. Finn's narrative starts three days before his death. He explores the progress of his unrequited love for best friend Autumn up until the day he finally expresses his feelings. Finn's story ends with his tragic death, which leaves his close friends devastated, unmoored, and uncertain how to go on. Jack's section follows, offering a heartbreaking look at what it's like to live with grief. Jack works to overcome the anger he feels toward Sylvie, the girlfriend Finn was breaking up with when he died, and Autumn, the girl he was preparing to build his life around (but whom Jack believed wasn't good enough for Finn). But when Jack sees how Autumn's grief matches his own, it changes their understanding of one another. Autumn's chapters trace her life without Finn as readers follow her struggles with mental health and balancing love and loss. Those who have read the earlier book will better connect with and feel for these characters, particularly since they'll have a more well-rounded impression of Finn. The pain and anger is well written, and the novel highlights the most troublesome aspects of young adulthood: overconfidence sprinkled with heavy insecurities, fear-fueled decisions, bad communication, and brash judgments. Characters are cued white. A heavy read about the harsh realities of tragedy and their effects on those left behind. (author's note, content warning) (Fiction. 14-18)

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February 21, 2024
Grades 9-12 In an emotional companion novel to If He Had Been with Me (2013), Nowlin gives Finn a voice in the events preceding his fatal car accident, and follows his soulmate, Autumn, and friend, Jack, in their grief. All three narrate distinct sections of the book, carefully meting out information through personal experiences and flashbacks that build the complexity and depth of their characters. Jack's struggle with loneliness is palpable as he grapples with different aspects of loss during his first year at college and life away from home. Meanwhile, Autumn must contend with being pregnant with Finn's child and the tumult of despair driving her thoughts to suicide. Throughout, Finn remains both a bright spot and a void, uncomfortably occupying a space those close to him must learn to redefine. Nowlin is unafraid to explore the gritty sides of sadness, grief, regret, and mental health struggles, resulting in a deeply affecting and worthwhile novel, though one readers should be in the right headspace for prior to picking up. A full-tissue-box read.

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